Man, What A Day

Last night I heard this large thump. I didn’t really think about it. I heard my stepfather say something, but I thought he was talking to his dog. I almost got up but I didn’t. I wish I did now because he fell and broke his leg again. Actually fell through the bedroom door. I am on the other side of the house. They really made me feel bad about it when I got up this morning. I didn’t hear people coming over to help, the talking, nothing. I must of been on the east side of the gate or something. 

It pains me to see my mother so stressed out. For the next six months, we’ll have a big cut in money and somethings will have to go. It’s like the closer I think I am to the big escape something happens. Since I am the only one not working I’ll be the one to help out. That is fine with me, but with Donor#2 being an ass right now I am so tired. I called him yesterday and he asked me in a smart ass way…”can’t you take care of your own kid at couple days?”….Hmm well Donor#2 you never get her more than one so can you? No, of course not. Anything that remotely has to make him act like an adult he’ll get rid of. I’ll make sure she knows.

So I load my girls up, of course Dylan chose “me time” and stayed home. We get to Walmart, and I call it Hellmart. Gia starts her usual junk. Saying over and over and over..”I want to drive the buggy!”. Since I am riding with family I have a very limited time to shop. I have to order her birthday cake, get our needs, and a bit of food in about twenty minutes. No time to just shop or chill, and why would I? I am flat broke and there is only money for needs. 

It’s just never enjoyable. Nothing really is. I might sound like I’m fussing, but not really. I am just very tired of my current life of a brick wall. No matter how strong I pretend to be, I’ll never be strong enough to break through. In the meantime, both donors are working and making hella money with NO responsibilities. One pays $200 for two yes I said TWO kids, once per month. The other NOTHING. I have to fight with him to get diapers and spend time with her. How the hell did I get myself into this situation. I know I am not the only one, and I had it good compared to others, but when does it ever get decent?

Get home and I so tired. I mean my dogs are barking (feet), Gia is still at it. She never really stops. Anna falls off Dylan’s bed onto Gia’s and her nose goes to running red with blood. The other two goes to screaming bloody murder and all I can do is shed a few tears. I think when everyone is asleep tonight, I’ll let a few more fall. Get them out of my system. I got to find a way out. 

But, for now it’s time to cook. Tonight that means turning the oven on and let them do the work. Then hopefully soon after it will be time to escape to some other world for a few hours. Tomorrow I think I’ll just start chucking crap out the front door until I am down to the bare things in life that are needs. Be Blessed!