Man, What A Day

Last night I heard this large thump. I didn’t really think about it. I heard my stepfather say something, but I thought he was talking to his dog. I almost got up but I didn’t. I wish I did now because he fell and broke his leg again. Actually fell through the bedroom door. I am on the other side of the house. They really made me feel bad about it when I got up this morning. I didn’t hear people coming over to help, the talking, nothing. I must of been on the east side of the gate or something. 

It pains me to see my mother so stressed out. For the next six months, we’ll have a big cut in money and somethings will have to go. It’s like the closer I think I am to the big escape something happens. Since I am the only one not working I’ll be the one to help out. That is fine with me, but with Donor#2 being an ass right now I am so tired. I called him yesterday and he asked me in a smart ass way…”can’t you take care of your own kid at couple days?”….Hmm well Donor#2 you never get her more than one so can you? No, of course not. Anything that remotely has to make him act like an adult he’ll get rid of. I’ll make sure she knows.

So I load my girls up, of course Dylan chose “me time” and stayed home. We get to Walmart, and I call it Hellmart. Gia starts her usual junk. Saying over and over and over..”I want to drive the buggy!”. Since I am riding with family I have a very limited time to shop. I have to order her birthday cake, get our needs, and a bit of food in about twenty minutes. No time to just shop or chill, and why would I? I am flat broke and there is only money for needs. 

It’s just never enjoyable. Nothing really is. I might sound like I’m fussing, but not really. I am just very tired of my current life of a brick wall. No matter how strong I pretend to be, I’ll never be strong enough to break through. In the meantime, both donors are working and making hella money with NO responsibilities. One pays $200 for two yes I said TWO kids, once per month. The other NOTHING. I have to fight with him to get diapers and spend time with her. How the hell did I get myself into this situation. I know I am not the only one, and I had it good compared to others, but when does it ever get decent?

Get home and I so tired. I mean my dogs are barking (feet), Gia is still at it. She never really stops. Anna falls off Dylan’s bed onto Gia’s and her nose goes to running red with blood. The other two goes to screaming bloody murder and all I can do is shed a few tears. I think when everyone is asleep tonight, I’ll let a few more fall. Get them out of my system. I got to find a way out. 

But, for now it’s time to cook. Tonight that means turning the oven on and let them do the work. Then hopefully soon after it will be time to escape to some other world for a few hours. Tomorrow I think I’ll just start chucking crap out the front door until I am down to the bare things in life that are needs. Be Blessed!

Being Single Sucks Sometimes

Honestly after five years I shouldn’t have to label myself as single, but I do. It’s always going to be that way. I just got to accept that it’s never going to any other level. Really do I want it to? I imagine my life, my home, and personal space MAN free. Right now it is. If we need each other we know where to find each other. There is something I can not stand about him…he’s a stupid white liar. A white liar can be sneaky if they were trying to be sneaky, but this fool lies about the most stupid of things to keep me calm. Has he not learned that if you just let me get mad, I’ll get over it, but damn why should I have to get over anything. 

Sometimes men mean well, but they don’t think past the point. Deep down they know we are going to get pissed, but they pray to their God we don’t. We still do. Ok. I get lonely that’s normal, but I don’t need someone to fill that void in my life full time. I really never have. So, I’m going to let go of the hope that he’ll one day grow up and be normal, because he has reached his full brain growth. One just has to admit it, and move on with MY life and journey. I know what I have to do, well mostly, and I certainly do not live a normal life. We strive for that you know. What we think normal is. Well I know it’s not going to be perfect. It’s going to be hard, expensive, and busy. I just have to to remind myself that it’s not about anything on this earth. I am here because God choose me to raise them. My spirit has to be fed too. I think sometimes people forget that. No matter what you worship, if you do not feed that purpose then how do you expect for it to grow?I do tend to be my own worse enemy. I will see the perfect job online and then come up with about ten excuses why I can do it, get there, or work out a schedule. That is even before I fill out the application. Come on, where did my balls go? They used to be so big and cocky, and now they are looking more like a box of raisins! Don’t I want a new opportunity, my own money, my own house? Do I really think that someone is gonna come save me? Well hell no of course not! I have to put my big girl panties on and my bullcrap combat boots and work for it! No matter what, my old  aussie friend used to tell me. Don’t let anyone tell me, make me, or have me think differently. I know one thing, and it’s for certain….not a damn thing is going to happen in this tiny town. It’s not gonna happen without a degree. I am in a way better place now to finish school. I have to talk to someone about helping me get back in there. I want to finish and make myself and my kids proud of me. I want my car back, fixed. I want my own place, my own neighborhood, my own church, new friends, to travel. To hell with people that will stand in my way. The path is clear because I SAY SO. Be Blessed!

Kick A Summer Cold's Booty

Summer colds just suck. Actually, I think it may be worst than having a winter's cold. Nothing worse then a snotting and coughing and it's about 100C outside. Eeek! Since Mommies do not get a day off from Mommyhood, you better figure out something to help ease that cold. Now this is not a CURE...come on if they had one for the cold would I be writing this. They'll do that later and cause everyone to turn to zombies ;-) Go ahead and mark my words, honey. 

So you'll need a casserole dish. You really don't need a big one, cause this is just to make a little soup. Larger portions and all you do is get a bigger pan, and more stuff. 

2 boneless, skinless chicken breast. Frozen

4c. of water

3 Tbsp of extra virgin olive oil

2 whole fresh ripe sprigs of rosemary. Remove the leaves/sprigs

3 whole peeled garlic cloves sliced thin

Touch of salt

Dash on your favorite seasonings. I load it up with garlic powder, onion powder. etc

1 whole small white onion sliced into rings

Lemon Juice

Start by putting your chicken (frozen) in the water and pour over the olive oil. 

You can put rings, chunks, it really doesn't matter cause when you eat it, it's gonna be soft. 

Take a knife and carefully get the sprigs off the rosemary stems. Put them all in uncut. You can keep the stems to make incense out of later on. 

Add a couple of tbsps of lemon juice, all your favorite seasonings and cook on 350 degrees for 2 hours. Check it and give it some more time if needed. 

Silly me forgot to take a pic of the final product, cause of course I dug into it. ;-) Make sure the chicken is DONE, all the ingredients should be soft, and feel free to drink the broth. That is where all the good stuff you need will be. I shredded my chicken and made a soup of out it. Goes great with garlic bread. 

Feel a cold and starve a fever.

You Think They Would Learn

Not sure what I was thinking when I changed my mind to get my tubes ties last year. Fear of being put to sleep was the number one reason. I’m about to be 36 and I am sure I do not want anymore children. I do want another little boy, but until you can elect your gender, I’ll be ok. Three is plenty.

Since Aunt Flo (who I’ve hated for a very long time) is in town, I’m basically locked down to the house. Since having Anna is so bad there is not going anywhere the first couple of days. I wanted to take the kids to build and grow, but my sister has four kids to fight in the store and I didn’t want to stress her out. I’ll just make sure they are up there next Saturday. 

My friend came yesterday and sold a phone to me. I am so very happy to be connected back to the world again. I have really become dependent on a phone. I am going to try to get on where she works. Not sure how I would work it out getting there, but I always seem to find a way. First of all, I got to get the job. I got to get back to work, and I really could care less what the job is at this point. 

She is wanting to plan a trip to New Orleans with her friend later this Fall. I am so game. I really do not care what anyone thinks. I need a freaking weekend to myself. No kids, no man, and just fun. I will have pacify my little caveman hubby to go, cause little man gets jealous….lol. A weekend at the lake should work. The kids, he and I , and our little terror angel. The now walking giggling wrath with six whole teeth to attack you with. Then will giggle at you when you scream. Got to love her.

If not the lake then just a hotel with a pool. Food, relaxation, and maybe some Mommy kool-aid? Nah, cause you know how that goes. Daddy lays there watching sports while Mommy takes over doing my same job but in just a much smaller environment. I am running to stores, fast foods, taking everyone to the bathroom. I am the lifeguard at the pool, and then I got to get everyone bath, calmed down, and to bed. Where is the relaxation in that?  OH poo…I’m just tired, and whooped this weekend.

Daddy is going to the races tonight so I will have Anna tonight. I really needed some sleep last night, but of course the thought of zombies put both the older kids in my bed. So I had my usual two feet. lol. Got to love them. I will get better I know it will. The only way to make that happen is if Mommy goes back to work. It is time. BE BLESSED!

WOW I HIT 2000!!!

I can't believe that the blog has reached 2000! So proud, and I thank everyone that reads it. Thanks so much!

Where is Mommy's Candy?

Everyone has the case of the red a$$, so it's going to be a long day. I'm about to take my candy from the doctor to see if I can ease some of my pain, and nerves. Really need to get on a program with that.


Today, after breakfast, these little monsters are going to help me clean this place. It is in a terrible right mess. My plan is to get about ten bags of crap out the front door. This, of course, is probably going to take us all week, because they get in no hurry listening to me.


Back in the glory days of 1983, if I looked at my elders the wrong way, talked back, or said no there was this bush from hell out in the yard with switches. Ever proper Southern home has one. Each older home automatically has one planted either from elders or God.


My kids have yet to seriously meet Mr. Switch, and don't get me wrong, I do not beat my kids, but I am both Mommy and Daddy and I'm getting run over and I am tired of it.

Even I am guilty of making a big deal out of nothing. Like getting our stuff organized, but dang it's got to be done. I want it done. It is piling up and it makes me crazy. I am trying to make jewelry this morning, and Anna is next to me screaming. Next minute she's on the floor playing. We are all just not morning people. We are seriously off schedule. I understand now back when we were kids, my grandmother would get us up early on the weekends. Put us to doing something. Laying around all day zoning out on stuff is just bad for kids. They will go crazy. Hmmm....yard work. Yeah we got some that needs to be done. Right after I get to throw away tons of stuff. 

Mommy will get back into balance, and these kids will not make me crazy today. I will evoke the truths of the ancestors and cut a limb and wear that booty out if needed. I will be respected and loved.

 I am the MAMA!

I would love for you to leave me a comment or email me!

Check Out The Tabs!

Have you checked out our tabs at the top? Today I added our new page about our garden. We have an Etsy store, and a Southern Sayings Store. You can also check out my articles on Yahoo and Helium.com


So check it out and don't forget to COMMENT, SHARE, and BE BLESSED!

Happy 34th Charles

Today, we are heading to Dixion, MS to celebrate Charles 34th birthday with a BBQ. Doubt I will stay there tonight. My nerves are little ragged lately. I'm having a tough time adjusting to summer break. I just can't seem to get on a schedule. Anyway, we will probably have steak and I was going to cook him a cake, but I think I'll get some pies. My energy is in the toilet too. lol.


My sister's older boys are here helping my Stepdad with the yard work. I would like to go to her house to visit, but there is always some stupid little drama and I don't have the nerves to face that today. Think I'll just go to the country and relax a while. My phone is acting stupid so there may not be pics. I appreciate the people that do view my blog. I thank you so much, and would love your comments! Until later BE BLESSED!

Happy Birthday Debbie

May 11th was my Aunt Debbie's birthday. My Aunt Kay came up from near Jackson, MS to take her to lunch. She brought her daughter Kandie and Kandie's friend Chuck. 

My Aunt Kay and my daughter Annalissa

Kay, Anna, Gia, and my Mother Barbara Lewis of Neshoba County, MS

Kandie and Chuck 

Birthday girl Aunt Debbie and Aunt Kay

Love you guys and thank you for coming by to visit. It was nice to see all of you. God Bless!

Having a ball!

Awards Day for Dylan

I was so happy that I decided to go to Awards Day. His teacher didn't let me know and low and behold he got THREE awards. I was so very happy. Here they are below:

I went after the awards and signed him out for SUMMER! You talk about a little boy being so very happy! Tonight we can stay up and they have Haley Bug coming over to stay. Wish I had some celebration food, but I will this weekend.


I went this afternoon and got the decorations for Gia and Annalissa's birthday. Now all I have to get are the presents. I just pray more money comes through before then. You can never start too early to plan, but the most important thing is that everyone is happy. I have to say it is very hard sometimes to make Gia happy, but she is my daughter and I am the same way. Here are some pics of her:

She wore this Sunday to church with her Daddy. 

She picked out this hat at the Dollar Tree. ...lol it's gonna be her birthday hat, and of course  she had to be a pack of rings and put on her Tinkerbell top to top all of it off. God broke the mold on her. LOL

Forgot to Post

Fish Charles caught in Scott County, MS Friday :-)

Mother's Day 2012

Been a somewhat peaceful weekend. I spent it with Anna and Charles at his house. It was nice to just sit out in the country watching tv and listening to a beautiful thunderstorm. Taking a nap with Anna, and enjoying some KFC that totally knocked up all out. 

I was a little sad not to spend it with my two older kids, but they will be here in a few minutes. Charles sold his gun so he could take me out to dinner. We went to out favorite Mexican restaurant in Philly. We went got Anna a drink called Hogwash/Green and it totally turned her body red. I don't understand why drinks do that to her. It's all by faded, it's just weird. 

Now I am back home and waiting for Dylan and Gia. She's out for the summer, but he has to go the rest of the week. So not fair, lol. We are going to have fun the girls and I. I am looking forward to crawling in bed with the kids and getting a little better sleep than I did this weekend. Charles's bed is horrible, and we both sleep all over the bed. He gave up about 7am and went and got on the couch. lol. Well, that's my weekend. Thanks for taking the time to read this. :-) Be Blessed!

Gia Graduates Pre-K!

Last night was so great! My little girl Gia graduated Pre-k at Union High School. I am so very proud of her. Her she is with her cousin (far right) singing "Tooty Ta Ta".

Here are some pics:

My sister's son William

Little nervous. lol

I was extremely nervous because this would be the first public time my ex-husband and Charles would be at a public program with my whole family. I was really about to throw up on the way to the program. It's something I had dreaded for the past few years. I am very happy to report that no one started a fight or got their butts kicked. 

Dylan was so happy to see his father he ran and jumped into his arms. I know all of this is hard on him. His father is a long haul truck driver and I have a new family, but life goes with the flow and you have to ride along. Gia was not happy to see her Dad. It's always like that and he is about to give me some answers. She should adore him. 

Anyway, the program was so wonderful. They did really good and sang a lot of songs. Gia got to sing a song with a few others for the colors brown and black. The last song in the video had the whole room rolling in laughter. Kids are so special and precious. 

So, this weekend the kids are suppose to go with Donor #1. At first he said Saturday, but he did tell them last night at the program he was going to get them. He better or I'm gonna tell him off. If he don't the kids are going to go to Heather's. She offered and that was really sweet of her. I am going to Charles to have a little time with him and Anna. I guess it's starting to be a weekly thing again. It used to be like that before we started to have problems. I will always have my guard up and that makes me so sad, but I guess everyone is like that. 

Next, week Gia will be home with me and Anna. I am going to get all my stuff straighten up. It's looks like I'll have to maybe move to find a decent job. I would love to be a preschool teacher. Really only kind of teacher I guess I could be. I'll have to check into it. I'm 35, almost 36. It's time to get a job that I will retire at. It's time!

Poor Dylan has to go another whole week. Lol. I feel for him. It's so not far. Here's a pic from this morning. My pen holder was making a rainbow on the floor and he thought it was so cool. Be Blessed!

What am I made of?

I have been in a weird mood all day. Depressed mainly, but I have also been pondering things. What am I here for? Is it just to be a mother. Of course, with today's standards you are a loser if you are just a Mother. I have no real connection with anyone on this earth. 


I've lived in the same town for twenty years and yet not attached to any part of it. I want to start over somewhere else, but why? So I can feel even more alone? It might be that I am living in the weirdest small town ever. Everyone seems rich yet there are no jobs here. You have to drive almost twenty miles to get to other humans. How the crap do they make all their money? 


I think I need to cut some strings and most of them are glued to my heart. I need my spirit back. I need to stop worrying about what other people think of me and my ability to do anything. I need to stop listening to all the negative comments and for goodness sake stop listening to my own mind. 


I want to be happy, and that is only up to me. Then why do I let other people stop me? Why even consider their opinions at all? Very confusing and caging. I have built this invisible wall or fortress around myself here and that is not a great idea because like everything this place will fade. I will be in a world of hurt if I don't get on my own two feet. 


I have a lot of envy built up against people. It is only because I crave the basics in life. It pisses me off that I worked so hard all those years, went to college, and I have just piles of rubbish. Nothing to start on, nothing to stand on. That has to change. I have to realize that I will never be blessed with a man I can depend on. It is not meant for me and I have to rise above it all. Be Blessed!

Little Get Away

I decided to put our blog here on the front page. It just takes up too much of my time doing two.


So, we took a little holiday this weekend. We had all the kids and stayed a couple of nights away so they could swim, and relax....it just wasn't relaxing for me AT all. Donor#2, and even though I am grateful cause he footed the bill, decided he would get in bed and not move. That left me four kids to manage, but it went ok. Here are all the pics.

Daddy got me my own little boat and I had a blast!

My big boy is finally not afraid!

Me and Anna Boo, so for no makeup lol. 

My brave girl. Not afraid anymore!

My two second on the alligator. lol She did not trust it. 

Made some waffles on the waffle maker!

His first dive!

Gia and Anna's brother Brandon

Wheeeee

Anna and her Dad with Gia

My beautiful smiling monkie!

This is the life!

Charles and I 

Best day ever Mommy!

We stayed there Friday alone, and I got some rest then. We went to the Golden Moon and the Silver Star. We played a few slots. He did pretty good and I won $20. I told him that in some way I'll have to spend it and I did, that what he didn't just straight up take from me. I wouldn't have done him like that, but that's his way. 


Saturday it was going to just be me and my kids, but his son decided to go. Kinda good cause even though Charles turns back into a 15 year old around him, there is at least a little help. We took at the kids to the hotel and ate some Popeye's. Got to love that. We let them swim a few hours. There were some drifters in the pool that management had to kick out. Very awkward. I don't understand how people have the balls to do stuff like that. As if they are not going to get caught. 


After swimming, I used my cell phone to order pizza and the kids thought that was amazing.  You have got to love kids! After pizza, the kids lost their mind wanting to go get pizza. The idiot actually wanted me to go do that and get out and get him some beer. I said no way it was not happening. Don't care if he got mad. One of the rules of me going this weekend was that he was not suppose to drink and he did. He literally can not go one day without alcohol. I wish he would because that is the man I love. The sober part of him that I never get to see. 


This morning was a little more stressful. Having to get all the kids to the front office to make waffles, then go back and pack everything. I don't really think parents...well Mommies never get to relax when you go somewhere. The same little dramas follow you even when you leave home. People lost their shoes, has missing kidnapped socks and underwear. Motel dryer was expensive and even after an hour it did not dry my bra...Lordy it's was something every three seconds. 


Well this week is Gia last week of Pre-k. She will have a program this Thursday. I am so excited to see her on stage. I am going to start looking for a job this week, and try to start, as soon as, everyone is out of school. I will probably start part time and then become full time when school goes back in session. I am going to save for another car, and then a trailer and some land. Right now that's the plan. If you are reading this, please say a little prayer. Thanks, and Be Blessed!