2010 Holidays are coming:-)

Here is a photo of the kids last year right before we opened presents. Thanksgiving is now over and the Christmas madness begins. Someone told Dylan Santa wasn’t real so that works out for me. I never really made him believe in him because it’s a lie.

The kids have basically told me what they wanted so now I got to find those items with all the other mommies trying to get same stuff. I don’t have a whole lot of options to get most of it. I hope I luck up and will be able to get it only. I have NO desire to travel and shop right now.

This year is a little different than the ones before. Family doesn’t get together much anymore. We all have our own families and lives, most have homes and I don’t blame them for wanting to enjoy it. I would too. I really hope to be in my own place next year. I will have three kids then, and I will really have to get back to work.

I’ve certainly learned not to depend on anyone. Not that they can’t help, but what if they won’t. I’m not a real father fan. I have no high hopes for the new one. He might be amazing and prove me wrong, but I won’t wait around and find out. I have to provide for my kids and to be honest I rather.

I am hoping to get my Christmas decorations down from storage and turn this room into a small apartment. Might as well, since it will be a long while before I will be able to move. My kids deserve way better than this life.

Joe and I have finally decided to divorce and we agree about the kids. Thank God we don’t have anything else to fight about. He is going to try to get on the ball this month. Maybe we will be divorced by February. I seriously doubt I will remarry. Not to the current Father. He has proven too many times that he is not willing to grow up or change, maybe some men can’t.

As long as he’s a good father and helps me out and we get along I will be happy. I don’t want to love anyone, and I don’t want anyone to love me. I don’t want to share a house, money, cars. I want it all for myself and my kids. The End.

11-19-2010

Today is Friday, and this afternoon the kids and I will go our separate ways for the weekend. I will leave to go to Charles to spend the night with him and Brandon. Cook pizza and I guess watch movies? I don’t really enjoying leaving the house lately, but I need to at least try to have something to do with the father of my new baby coming soon.

The kids are never happy about going to their Dad’s. I hate sending them over there. They need to spend time with their other family. I just hate what family they have. I will admit their father is trying to do better. I think it helps him to let go now that I am having a child with someone else. That will be good in the long run.

Today in school, Dylan is dressing up like an Indian and with a drum he decorated he will go around the school beating the drum and sharing some holiday joy before they get out for Thanksgiving holidays. He’s feeling a little bad, so I hope he gets better this weekend. Gia is being Gia and that is always a good thing.

Holidays kinda make me sad here lately. I don’t get to really plan anything special for my kids because we are still here at my Mom’s. I don’t get to have my own tree or have my friends or family over. A self created prison is more like it. There are a lot of things here that simply just get on my last nerve, but hopefully things will improve that this time next year I will have my own place again. I don’t plan on living with anyone. I want my own space again. To be the ruler of at least that. A place of serenity. It would greatly improve the lives of my kids. I used to have such fire when it came to them, but so much has happened and I think I have become numb to a lot of things.

More Later