My Garden 2010

This year I planted my first garden. I really learned a lot of new things, and lessons. The most important lesson is that a full garden is an everyday job. You can let it go for more than a couple of days or you’ll have a jungle out there. This is one of my first sunflowers. The sunflowers actually did the best. I have one stall out there well up to ten feet. I can’t wait until it has a bloom. Most of my potted plants did do so well.  I now know that the wildflower seed packets are mostly grass. So, I will skip them next year. I love wildflowers, but there is not enough of them in the pack to make a pretty garden.

  Here is a picture of one of the marigolds. I planted them along with my hummingbird seed packets. I learned that this mixed cause all the bugs you hate around your vegetable. We have many bushes up to twenty feet high that are causing the same problems. I really wanted a chemical free garden, but I will give the chemicals a chance next year.  Below are more pics of my garden, hope you enjoy. God bless you for stopping by and keep gardening.

 

What Matters Most

My precious babies and their happiness. I will have to find some sort of balance. The road now must be chosen at the crossroad I have been standing. I must make the life for them that they truly deserve. I am not really sure what to do first, but I think I have found the place. I just want them to be happy, but I deserve some happiness in this life as well. They are so young right now, and I could still get to a new location and make things go right again. I miss the days of working while they are in school, and coming home and having family time. It was when I was the happiest. I must find courage to be alone, or to love again. I must learn not to totally shut my heart up because certain persons have broken my heart in the past. My sweet children mean the world to me and it’s about time that I act like it. We all deserve the best in life. I truly  hope I can do this all alone.

In happier news, my garden is doing alright. I let it go for a while and it got really jungle like out there. lol. Here is one of my beautiful sunflowers. I still amazes me how you can buy seeds from the store and with love get beautiful creations from God. What I love the most about gardening is that even though they are all sunflowers, God makes each one special. Whether it be in the colors or shades each one is unique.

 

Here is my St. Francis statue in the middle of the garden. I did plant some flowers behind it, but they have failed to grow. I noticed anything around the sunflowers failed to grow properly. Not sure why. Even the gourds are very slow growing. I really wanted to do a real garden with no chemicals, but next time I am going to try a little.

Here’s another pic of me with the sunflower. I also planted a hummingbird garden for my late grandmother, but I noticed that it was mainly going to be wildflowers and that attracted bugs that ate most of my potted plants leaves away. Again I need to use a certain chemical.

My brother came to visit me and the neighbor’s pet fox also stopped by. The little devil scratched his arm pretty good, but it was friendly. I didn’t hold him but I took a pic as well. It’s amazing to see a wild creature like that sord of be friendly with humans but I’ve seen that thing chase down our kittens, and I believe that’s what happened to all of them.

Foxes are really beautiful creatures. I would love to have a job with animals. I’ve always wanted that. Might be something I check into. I would hate to work at a kill shelter though. That would break my heart. I am more in wilder animals. Maybe a zoo? Haha getting a little old for dreams I think, but you truly become old when you stop living and dreaming.

I close tonight with this recent picture of me. I have always been big, but in the last year with all my troubles I have seriously packed on too much weight. I used food as a drug and it’s time I come clean. I was walking everyday and using the pool, but I let stupid reasons stop me from taking care of my health. Along with changing my life, I will change my body. I am getting older and the longer I wait the harder it will be. If I could just get down into the 200’s I would be very happy. Well God bless you for stopping by, leave a comment if you like. More later. Be Blessed!

I am in need of change and serenity!

Saint Theresa's Prayer

May today there be peace within.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be confident knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones,
and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.

If I could just allow myself to believe all of this. What he wants from me. I already know and I keep getting clues. When will I listen? I need to remove myself from all the toxic things and people from my life. I need to change my life and all my ways. I need to forgive many people and be forgiven. I need love and support. I want a do over. All I want to do now in life is live for my kids. Give them a fighting chance. A home. A good school. A church. A stable place where they feel safe. So to do that I have to make it clear that the people that make me upset can no longer do that to me. If so, I will take legal matters into my own hands and be rid of them legally.

In my new life, I want to be happy mentally, physically, and within my soul. I want to belong and live life to the fullest. I want a home that I feel safe inside and that I can raise my children in peace. They deserve nothing but the best. Here they will not make it for the future. I must leave where I can find work. I need to tie up all my loose ends, and finish all the things I begin. I am ready to live. It starts with NOW.

crazy tattoo - Google Search

crazy tattoo - Google Search

This crazy world never ceases to amaze me at the stupid things people do!

I try to find a little happiness in this life. So few an far between are the moments I will cherish. My little angels, my garden that God helped me grow. I really need to take care of the things that matter most to me, not others.

It's About Enough

There are many reasons why I am becoming anti-social. I'm old enough now to know that most people are about 75% bullcrap and 25% of other crap I really don't care to take the time to figure out. I am starting to realize what the most important things in my life need to be. #1 My kids. #2 Me. I honestly do not have time for anything else, or the energy to care. No one really takes a true interest in me, or my life. So therefore I should live it for myself and no one else. I don't really have a close family, and I am not really close with anyone. Most of this is my fault, and for the most part I do not care to change things. Yes I would love phone calls, visits, hugs, but that just never happens. I never hear from the ones that should get a damn the most, but if you think back have they ever really?

I would love to find a place with a decent job, apartment/house, decent yard to grow my flowers and time enough to spend with my kids. Why is this too much to ask? The places I really want to go are now being destroyed by a man made disaster, so maybe I need to look north or other places. I would love to be about one to two hours away. Just far away enough that I don't have to worry about a certain person bothering me. I think that the only way that will stop is when that person is gone. He is always going to bother me unless I take legal measures to stop him.

As for now, I have personal things to take care of. I need to treat everyday like I am leaving. I am going to let Dylan attend this year at Union. Give myself time to save money and work towards a future. I have to make sure I do this right. I want to start completely over. I have to really get a plan together. My kids deserve the best. I deserve to be happy. I have to do all of this for them. I want them to be happy and smiling and not cry over situations I put them in. All of that trash is over. Tomorrow is a new day!