There are many reasons why I am becoming anti-social. I'm old enough now to know that most people are about 75% bullcrap and 25% of other crap I really don't care to take the time to figure out. I am starting to realize what the most important things in my life need to be. #1 My kids. #2 Me. I honestly do not have time for anything else, or the energy to care. No one really takes a true interest in me, or my life. So therefore I should live it for myself and no one else. I don't really have a close family, and I am not really close with anyone. Most of this is my fault, and for the most part I do not care to change things. Yes I would love phone calls, visits, hugs, but that just never happens. I never hear from the ones that should get a damn the most, but if you think back have they ever really?
I would love to find a place with a decent job, apartment/house, decent yard to grow my flowers and time enough to spend with my kids. Why is this too much to ask? The places I really want to go are now being destroyed by a man made disaster, so maybe I need to look north or other places. I would love to be about one to two hours away. Just far away enough that I don't have to worry about a certain person bothering me. I think that the only way that will stop is when that person is gone. He is always going to bother me unless I take legal measures to stop him.
As for now, I have personal things to take care of. I need to treat everyday like I am leaving. I am going to let Dylan attend this year at Union. Give myself time to save money and work towards a future. I have to make sure I do this right. I want to start completely over. I have to really get a plan together. My kids deserve the best. I deserve to be happy. I have to do all of this for them. I want them to be happy and smiling and not cry over situations I put them in. All of that trash is over. Tomorrow is a new day!
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