I'm not really sure why I expect so much from simple people. Why did God not make me more simple so I can fit into this backwards life. Got picked up Friday, and he had me drive to Forest. That is a actual town. People here go ape shit for this place called KFC. Maybe you have one? I doubt it. They now have buffet. So the place has a line. I just drove an hour for all you can eat fried chicken, gravy, rice, and peach cobbler. Can't you hear a cowboy holler in the back of your mind. lol
He knows I can't eat much of this stuff, but he downs it down like bikers are behind him with sticks trying to steal it away. A bit nasty to watch. We leave and I'm already in pain and uncomfortable. I plan to get a motorized wheelchair to help me in the store. Walmart. hmmm do you have that too? Huge store with everything. So a redneck's dream. I go to get in one and this lazy ass gets in one too. I honestly think he's jealous that I need one. I then become hardheaded and just walk through the store. About a hundred feet in and I'm almost to tears. I ask him to please go get me one and he won't. Huge surprise. Now my feelings are hurt and I'm mad, in pain, disgusted and he's just a shopping away all happily. We leave but not before he has to get his beer. I don't mind drinking, but it changes his personality.
Get to his house. Make a attempt and a little happiness and it's a complete FLOP. I'm not interested at all. Not like me, but I have something on my mind and the smell of alcohol was not really working for me. I think he got a little upset, but really I don't care. The next day we give shopping another goal. Go shopping for the baby. Would you believe he picked out everything? Hated everything I like and then let me know that we need to buy all our separate items. What?! Ok sounds fine to me. Separate houses. Makes sense. Wow what a beginning I am giving this kid. That night after supper we crashed and didn't even attempt anything.
Now back in 2007, one night, I had this horrible nightmare that a man was pulling my arm and I could feel everything. Scared me so bad my water broke. It happened again last night. WAIT not the water breaking thank god, but the same dream. I honestly can't tell if it was real or not, I know my ears started roaring and I look towards the closet and a man's figure is there. He keeps saying either HELL or HILL. Clear as day. He starts pulling my arm and I can't even make a sound and I tried to wake up Charles to help. Next second I am raising up in the bed and the room is all weird. Told him to hold me and I finally fell asleep. Jesus do I need a minute away from everything. I don't know what brought all that on.
Only reason I did not want to come home here is that no one picks up after themselves. The house looks just it did when I left Friday. We are so crowded with our stuff, and it's just horrible. My Mom and her man, my kids and myself. JEEZ. There it's clean, way more peaceful, but I don't think I can deal with the bad parts of it. If Charles drinks way too much and I have to deal with his bad side. I certainly don't want my kids around that. I think the best solution will be to stay there a week or two after the baby, but I need to get a local apartment. Start small and see how it goes. Depend on myself so I don't have to have anyone save me or help me.
If I had it my way, I would not be here. Two fathers would be replaced by one. Different location, new life. The End.
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