My Youtube Channel

Tried to put the video here and no luck. At least I can't see it. So click and enjoy. Way more to come since now I'm a high tech redneck, and can upload from my phone.
Barbie Ann's Youtube Channel

Kids Losing Their Minds Over A Bottle of Bubbles

This is a video of my kids fighting over a simple bottle of bubbles. Neither side gives....see why I have gray hairs?? lol

Spring Break 2011

Have to say it was not what I planned. Usually, I have some fun things planned out, but I'm just too tired. So, I gave in and let the ex get them. He was suppose to get them the weekend off, but claims he got stranded in Meridian. Guess his woman only gives rides of a certain kind. lol.

So he can and got them, and I settled into a night of just me and some much needed rest. Then at 9:30pm I get a call. Usually, my kids would of been asleep here at home, but they were out at night, at a 5 minute pizza stand getting supper. WTF?? Really. Gia was crying because she was sleepy and hungry. God knows where she had been dragged too all day. He called her a spoiled brat and man did that piss me off. I find out that they are sleeping at his one legged woman's house in the ghetto. Sleeping next to a bunch of kids they don't know. Later Dylan tells me that some of the kids where getting hit and spanked on right in front of him. Good job "Dad".

To get away from that drama, I decide to go the new house in the country that I will never live in. Charles has his ADD son and he's bouncing off the walls. He's a ten year old third grader with the mind of a five year old. I really tried to deal with it, but I'm not used to a child with no home training at all. To make me happy I guess, Charles starts to clean out the Koi pond that the old residents left. He managed to fall in and smell like ten years of death. I try to sit outside and nap, but the boy kept circling me and throwing rocks, then he's father would yell at him and threaten to whoop him with switches. Wow what a way to deal your special needs kids.

Then I find out we are about to travel and hour north and get his jock and cocky son, who just landed home from Washington. The difference in these kids are night and day. The only smart thing that man has done in his life is let the boy's family raise him. They are wealthy. He goes to private schools and expects everything on a silver platter. We travel back to Union (oh joy) and go to the famous. lol. Piggly Wiggly. Maybe you've seen on redneck movies? The boy tells his father he will get this and that. I have $12 in cash to get supper for all of us, so I thought hey this kid in not that bad. He goes in the store getting everything in site. We get to the check out and I wait for him to pay for his stuff. He looks at me and tells me that he has no money. WTF again in two days. I had to use my card and it was almost $40 bucks. Charles then gets the $12 back for gas since it's all gone too. Ok I'm getting it in the ass I know it. I told him to pay me back Friday or he can go fuck himself, and believe me he would die if he had too.

Get home and all the men are on a "spell" bitching, fighting, moaning. My restful night has now turned to hell. The jock is trying to kick the ass of his own brother who really can't help how he is. Jesus, save me. I look at the kids bottle of pills and they were giving him the wrong doses. Well, hell that's why he's acting all apey. One correct dose and he's a normal kids within an hour. I am SO stupid for opening my legs to this idiot.

You would think FINALLY at bedtime I would get a little happiness. Well guess what the new house is echoey. You fart in the living room and we can hear in the bedroom. Since he's father's room is right across the hall he has trouble doing the deed. Give me a break. Be a man. For once act like you can do something right. I just turned over and went to sleep.

Woke up to leave and start to go out the bedroom door and he's father opens his and he's in his underwear. Fuck that, I went right to the car. Left and thinking about not going back. Do you blame me? Why does life here have to be so hellish???? Just want to be happy, get laid, have decent food, and trust me I would make a decent man happy all the time. Just not meant to be HERE.

Well the kids are home now, and we are going to clean, go outside and blow bubbles, just relax. Stay home til school starts Monday. I'm happy here for now, but my own place would be so much better. I've really made some horrible choices, but that doesn't mean I should be punished FOREVER does it??

My Weekend

I was expecting a peaceful night together, but that soon changed. He got a call that his sister found his son, and she was heading two hours away to get him. I wasn't getting picked up because he had to pick up the son I know only an hour away. So, I'm left alone at my house, but no problem. A nice quiet with just me is always needed. I'm so very tired lately.

So, Saturday I meet his son, and I can tell something is off with him. Charles gives me his meds/pills, and I am shocked. So many a day and for what? I find out. He is bipolar and has a lot of special needs. He constantly moves, talks, gets loud, doesn't mind. It was just more than I'm used to. I know it was way more than he could handle. Thank God his other son was there to keep him busy. Something I noticed is that the kid was starving and he ate like a savage. Stuffing food into his mouth with his hands. Literally, shoveling it in. I was so sad for him. I'm just not used to a kid that never shuts down. Even at bedtime he was just a hyper as ever and still eating.

Just found out he's going back home today. Sad for Charles cause even though they promise he will be back for spring break...who knows. I couldn't live like that. Maybe he will come back. I know I will have to help watch him while Charles is at work. I hope it won't be too stressful.

Also this weekend, it was confirmed that they were getting rid of the mobile home and moving further into the country. Good news is that it's only minutes from my sister's house. It's a larger place. So, when I do bring the baby home we won't be so crowded. I'll have a front and back yard to relax in and hopefully, it will be peaceful. I never know until I am in the situation. I am expecting to be in major pain, but that's all apart of it.

Hopefully, also the kids will be out for summer and my kids can be with me. It might be scary being out there all alone while he is a work getting used to having three kids instead of just too. We'll see.

Well that's all for now. My kids are at a movie with their Dad and I have my sister's kids while she goes to a funeral. Let's hope next week will be good:-)

Happy Hump Day

Got to take a meeting today with Dylan’s officials at school. I hate taking them. They really come up with all the problems and offer not many solutions. In so many words they are blaming you totally for the problem. Cool I’ll take the blame, but I need resources for the things I can not fix.

They want to put him in something called Tier Three. It’s a smaller class with more one on one time with the teachers. I think it’s the last step before they put him in special education. It’s very hard for as a Mom to accept that he might spend his school career in this setting. I know for a fact at this school that they are the forgotten students.

I think that if this becomes the final outcome, I’ll just pull him out and home school him. I will admit he has physical and emotional issues, but they are not so bad that he should be placed in that setting.

Gia is doing better. She lost about five pounds from being sick and her iron is low. She still has the cough. Might have to take her back. It is so awful that the nearest child doctor is in Newton more than 15 miles away. I hate asking anyone to take me with gas being so high.

The only other thing going on is that the ex is suppose to be filing for divorce this week. If he can’t get off his butt and do it. I am also going to try to get an apartment here in town to start with. If that goes well, we’ll see about moving further. I will have to see how being by myself again works. Well got to start the day. Gia is watching Bubble Guppies and there is mountains of clothes to clean and the house…UGGG then that meeting. Hope I keep my cool LOL

Sunny Saturday

Outside with kids trying to clear my head. Trying to prepare myself for what's coming. Dealing with the disappointments similar to the one's I dealt with years ago. Broken promises and selfishness. Not like the stuff would be for me it is for our baby.

Starting to think that I need a fresh beginning to my life. Not only me but for the kids. Work hard to make a better life for them. I used to be so much stronger. I have to believe that soon I will have that strength back. I can make it better. It will be better. I just have to keep what is important first and never let fear stop me:)

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NEW!!!

Check out the new pages on the blog. Now we all have our own pages for photos.

2010 Holidays are coming:-)

Here is a photo of the kids last year right before we opened presents. Thanksgiving is now over and the Christmas madness begins. Someone told Dylan Santa wasn’t real so that works out for me. I never really made him believe in him because it’s a lie.

The kids have basically told me what they wanted so now I got to find those items with all the other mommies trying to get same stuff. I don’t have a whole lot of options to get most of it. I hope I luck up and will be able to get it only. I have NO desire to travel and shop right now.

This year is a little different than the ones before. Family doesn’t get together much anymore. We all have our own families and lives, most have homes and I don’t blame them for wanting to enjoy it. I would too. I really hope to be in my own place next year. I will have three kids then, and I will really have to get back to work.

I’ve certainly learned not to depend on anyone. Not that they can’t help, but what if they won’t. I’m not a real father fan. I have no high hopes for the new one. He might be amazing and prove me wrong, but I won’t wait around and find out. I have to provide for my kids and to be honest I rather.

I am hoping to get my Christmas decorations down from storage and turn this room into a small apartment. Might as well, since it will be a long while before I will be able to move. My kids deserve way better than this life.

Joe and I have finally decided to divorce and we agree about the kids. Thank God we don’t have anything else to fight about. He is going to try to get on the ball this month. Maybe we will be divorced by February. I seriously doubt I will remarry. Not to the current Father. He has proven too many times that he is not willing to grow up or change, maybe some men can’t.

As long as he’s a good father and helps me out and we get along I will be happy. I don’t want to love anyone, and I don’t want anyone to love me. I don’t want to share a house, money, cars. I want it all for myself and my kids. The End.

11-19-2010

Today is Friday, and this afternoon the kids and I will go our separate ways for the weekend. I will leave to go to Charles to spend the night with him and Brandon. Cook pizza and I guess watch movies? I don’t really enjoying leaving the house lately, but I need to at least try to have something to do with the father of my new baby coming soon.

The kids are never happy about going to their Dad’s. I hate sending them over there. They need to spend time with their other family. I just hate what family they have. I will admit their father is trying to do better. I think it helps him to let go now that I am having a child with someone else. That will be good in the long run.

Today in school, Dylan is dressing up like an Indian and with a drum he decorated he will go around the school beating the drum and sharing some holiday joy before they get out for Thanksgiving holidays. He’s feeling a little bad, so I hope he gets better this weekend. Gia is being Gia and that is always a good thing.

Holidays kinda make me sad here lately. I don’t get to really plan anything special for my kids because we are still here at my Mom’s. I don’t get to have my own tree or have my friends or family over. A self created prison is more like it. There are a lot of things here that simply just get on my last nerve, but hopefully things will improve that this time next year I will have my own place again. I don’t plan on living with anyone. I want my own space again. To be the ruler of at least that. A place of serenity. It would greatly improve the lives of my kids. I used to have such fire when it came to them, but so much has happened and I think I have become numb to a lot of things.

More Later

Welcome to October

Not really feeling too great. I am having a lot of trouble with my stomach. I think I am sure what is going on, and if so it will be bittersweet. It will change everything, but it always does. Kids are home now and they told me about their weekend. We are settling into our usual Sunday night. Dylan is playing Lego Batman and Gia has stripped down and waiting on their cousin Haley to come over for a couple of hours.

This weekend I didn't really do a whole lot. Charles, Brandon, and I went to the Indian store in Philadelphia. I wish I could remember the name of it. It was my kinda of store. All this time I have been searching for a connection and I think I have it. It has all kind of herbs, sages, feathers.....man if only I had more money. The only thing that kinda freak me out were the real horse tails with some skin still attached. I think Brandon was ready to go when he saw that.

When we were checking out, Charles took a $70 axe off the wall, and when he went to put it back it fell to the floor and broke into three pieces. You should of hear the poor owner when it hit the floor, but she told us not to worry about it. I really would like to go back alone next time I think. :-)

This week I am really hoping to get some fall cleaning done. I have been in a lot of pain and really don't feel like moving around. My sister is right, since I can afford to see the doctor, then why don't I. Well one reason is if you are overweight they ignore your symptoms and tell you to lose weight. I am in constant pain. When I got to sleep I hurt, I wake up I hurt. Who wants to move when that's happening. I discovered that Aleeve is helping and yeah I have the knots, and the headaches. I really need to take better care of myself. If nothing else I should do it for my kids. They are my future. 

One more issue I am having is with negative people. For some reason I believe myself to be the patron saint of lost causes. You can not change a person. They have to want to change, but if it's working for them and giving them some kind of power why should I worry about it. It really hurts when they are really close to you and you feel that this problem doesn't make you as close as you should be. You can only worry about yourself sometimes, and try not to let people bring you down. 

Update on losing weight. I barely eat meat now. You really have to take it day by day. I eat mostly raw foods. This has cause a change in my stomach. It hurts nearly all the time now. I don't know if I have an ulcer or what, but I need to find out. I can only eat a little bit and I still feel very bloated and like I want to get sick. It takes forever for the bloating to go down. Even drinking a little bit of water and my stomach swells. Well see. I am very sure that I am losing weight, and if I can manage my pain I will feel better and walk more. More Later. 

Song of the Week

Frogs Moving Out

Over the past couple of weeks,  the local frogs have used the kid’s pool for a  their own personal maternity ward. Now the tiny tadpoles are mostly frogs and they are moving out. They are so cute, and so many colors and sizes. It’s really amazing how God works miracles in nature. Take a look:

 

Enjoy your weekend and remember to take a look at nature and be amazed with what you find:-)

What It Feels Like

I have been big my whole life. It's something now that I am having to deal with as an adult. Only now that I am an adult is it almost too much to take. I am usually the one laughing, joking, or making jokes, but if you knew how much pain I was in....wow. Of course I don't want anyone having pity on me. I am sure that there are ways that I could lose the weight. Believe me I have tried them all, but I think there is a little more going on with my pain. 

I have this thing where if I am touched the spot feels like I have been burned with water. Water burns to me are the worst and the only way to describe it. For ten minutes or more that spot hurts. So having kids jump on me feels like fire pokers. I would love to go to the doctor and have him say "ah yes you have this and this is how we will fix it" ...but oh no if you go with a stumped toe it's because you are too fat. Trust me I have had that happen to me. I stumped my toe because I was too "fat" to see my path. Whatever. 

Trust me I don't stay fat for the comfort. It is a daily hell. The problem is I nearly die walking to the backyard in back. How would I ever manage walking for more than that. My knees are shot. Imagine all my weight and the only things holding me up are my knees. I feel sorry for them. I don't sit on my butt to be lazy, my body is just tired of caring for me. Being fat also hurts your inside. I know my heart, liver, etc are working was too hard to keep me going. That is why I feel so tired. I have the body of a 80yr and I'm not even forty. 

So bitching really doesn't help. I have changed my diet. Try to walk more, but this being tired and in pain is so horrible. I am certainly missing out on life. I plan my life around my weight. There should never be anything in the way of life. So all I can do is push forward. Probably file for some help, and get the help from a doctor. If nothing else for the pain so I can concentrate on other things. More later:

Going away for the night off the grid to relax catch ya tomorrow:)