Being Single Sucks Sometimes

Honestly after five years I shouldn’t have to label myself as single, but I do. It’s always going to be that way. I just got to accept that it’s never going to any other level. Really do I want it to? I imagine my life, my home, and personal space MAN free. Right now it is. If we need each other we know where to find each other. There is something I can not stand about him…he’s a stupid white liar. A white liar can be sneaky if they were trying to be sneaky, but this fool lies about the most stupid of things to keep me calm. Has he not learned that if you just let me get mad, I’ll get over it, but damn why should I have to get over anything. 

Sometimes men mean well, but they don’t think past the point. Deep down they know we are going to get pissed, but they pray to their God we don’t. We still do. Ok. I get lonely that’s normal, but I don’t need someone to fill that void in my life full time. I really never have. So, I’m going to let go of the hope that he’ll one day grow up and be normal, because he has reached his full brain growth. One just has to admit it, and move on with MY life and journey. I know what I have to do, well mostly, and I certainly do not live a normal life. We strive for that you know. What we think normal is. Well I know it’s not going to be perfect. It’s going to be hard, expensive, and busy. I just have to to remind myself that it’s not about anything on this earth. I am here because God choose me to raise them. My spirit has to be fed too. I think sometimes people forget that. No matter what you worship, if you do not feed that purpose then how do you expect for it to grow?I do tend to be my own worse enemy. I will see the perfect job online and then come up with about ten excuses why I can do it, get there, or work out a schedule. That is even before I fill out the application. Come on, where did my balls go? They used to be so big and cocky, and now they are looking more like a box of raisins! Don’t I want a new opportunity, my own money, my own house? Do I really think that someone is gonna come save me? Well hell no of course not! I have to put my big girl panties on and my bullcrap combat boots and work for it! No matter what, my old  aussie friend used to tell me. Don’t let anyone tell me, make me, or have me think differently. I know one thing, and it’s for certain….not a damn thing is going to happen in this tiny town. It’s not gonna happen without a degree. I am in a way better place now to finish school. I have to talk to someone about helping me get back in there. I want to finish and make myself and my kids proud of me. I want my car back, fixed. I want my own place, my own neighborhood, my own church, new friends, to travel. To hell with people that will stand in my way. The path is clear because I SAY SO. Be Blessed!