This weekend I am looking forward to some peace and quiet. I am going out to Charles and rest. Enjoy the birds chirping, breeze blowing, and hopefully get my life together in my mind somehow. It is a miracle that we will be kid free and I'm certainly looking forward to it. Only really time we are going into town is to shop for the baby. I have decided to come home from the hospital there. I believe this will be the best solution. He's taking a week off from work to help me with the baby. I'm sure it won't be the dirty diapers. They are like periods...just not meant for a man to do. He used to always gag when I was changing Gia. lol.
At least he's house is roomy enough that if my kids come to stay too there will be plenty of room inside and out. No smoke there too, since my mom is a chain smoker here. I honestly hate to bring the baby back here when I leave Charles. Thinking about trying to get my own apartment here in town as a temporary solution to my housing issue. I would certainly be happier with my own space, and we wouldn't always have to be around family when we want "time" alone. lol.
As for the future with him....hmmmm We have been together on and off since 2008. There have been good times and some really shitty times. We are best friends and he certainly loves me more than I love him. I just can't get into a deep love with anyone anymore. Not if I don't have the basic levels with them. I guess we will just continue life as it is. We have our own lives during the week, and see each other on the weekends. This doesn't mean I have to remain here. Once I'm healed and the baby is six weeks I plan to look for work. If it has to be in the city I will have to deal with it. I was all ready to move to Meridian til lately.
My brother's apartment was broken into while he was sleeping. All the purses, (he lives with three women god bless him), electronics, etc were stolen. Luckily, his door was locked and his stuff was safe. I just do not feel like living alone would be a really great idea. Those kind of jerks watch people and pick the weak out. I'm not weak, but I'm not going to keep a loaded gun in the house. Also, in Meridian the most you will start out with pay is $7.00 an hour. You think with housing, bills, and daycare you wouldn't make it. I think daycare is $120 a week. Just crazy.
Think I'll just start small. Take my time and get used to running a household alone with three kids. Jeez.... I really need to decide about getting my tubes fixed. I think somehow I hold out hope that I could meet a decent father for another child and get that happily ever after simple life I really want. I think sometimes I'm paying for all my wrongs right now and it just won't happen. Who knows. :-)
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